I’m quite aware that a lot of us here is dreaming to be a Datuk…not as in grandfather ‘Datuk’ but the recognition given to individuals who contributes a lot in Malaysia. Well, dear precious readers, it’s actually very easy to earn a Datukship, all you need to do is just:
1. Be an athlete, train like mad, and earn back a medal of your choice in Olympic Games.
2. Do a plastic surgery or wear a susuk and go for some singing contest so that you can become a singer and earn your Datukship through your ‘contributions’ to the entertainment industry. Having a huge fan base, being coy through pretending that you are pure and chaste as well as marrying some cocky tycoon determines whether you’ll get your datukship easily or not too. So, ladies, be good, and go seduce some Datuk with a dozen kid who is almost the same age as your father to marry. Ohh, it’s so damn good! The Datuk is experienced in bed too, no?
3. Get involve in scandal. Be it sex scandal or even bribery. When you’re famous, it’s easier for you to earn Datukship.
4. Be a crony of powerful politician.
5. You must know how to converse in Hindi and sing Hindi songs very well.
6. You must change your surname to ‘Khan’. If your name is Tan Wai Ming, then you need to add ‘Khan’ at the end of your name.
7. You must know how to dance to Hindi song very well. So, take up belly dancing, baby!
8. If you don’t resemble any famous Bollywood actor or actress, well, then please seek consultation from Micheal Jackson’s plastic surgeon and ask the doctor to make you look like Shah Rukh Khan, Salman Khan or whatever Khan who is famous in Bollywood at the moment.
9. You must not be a Malaysian citizen. They don’t give Datukship to Malaysian or Malaysian who reside in Malaysia easily, but they give Datukship to an Indian actor easily, so guys, pack up your bags, and fly to Mumbai and apply for Indian citizenship.
10. Make a few Hindi movies, make some horny Malaysian swoon over your acting.These will help you to realize your dream of being a VIP Datuk.
And last but not least
11. When people finally award you with Datukship, you must be cocky and arrogant and do not appear during the awarding ceremony. The cockier you are, the better, because people will hunt you down to award you with the Datukship.
Cleffairy: Are we really out of Malaysian to award that we must award Shah Rukh Khan a Datukship? Have our country gone haywire? Well, apparently, yes. Who is next in line for Datukship? The guy who acted in Spiderman? Superman? Ironman?