What is love and marriage all about, actually? I was asked that particular question by a very good friend of mine over our chat session. While I have a very steady and healthy relationship, she’s still searching for Mr. Right. Conversing with her sometimes makes me feel weird, as I have to revert back and think like a schoolgirl who just had her first crush. She’s a good friend of mine, but sometimes, I really could not stand her musing and questions, as to her, love for her partner usually only last for a few month.
When she decided that the guy is not ‘the right man’ for her, she’ll go through breakups and search for a new guy and be ‘in love again’. And I will be forced to endure the same questions and silly musings all over again. Sometimes, I really wish that she could grow up.
She really can cry at the top of her lungs when she go through her break up episodes, and sometimes, I really wanted to tell her that what she felt was not really love, but mere infatuation. What else do you call a relationship that usually can only last at most only 3 month and can be easily replaced after that? Love, is not supposed to be easily replaceable, is it? To me, love is not like buying a wrong bra that is not suitable for you and you can return it for a refund like most of my friends would have me believe.
Answering her questions and making her understand the concept of ‘love and relationship’ could have been easier if I was a young teenager with a mush as brain, but I had to think quite hard before answering her question. To me, love is not just about flowers and romantic courtship at the beginning of a relationship like many would believe. It’s something more than that. It has deeper meaning. It’s supposed to transcend through time, not just last for a few month. Love is supposed to be like one of those elder couple who still holds hand and care for each other even though they are counting the days to leave the world. Now, THAT is love.
To couples who just started their relationship, love would be about holding hands, stealing a peck on the cheek, spending some time together in a cinema and not to mention lavishing one another with flowers, gifts and chocolates. Some even think that love is about how much money his or her partner have in their savings account. I think that is not real love. It’s mere courtship. If one doesn’t work hard to stay in love, there are possibility that a couple can fall out of love. To still be in love after many years of marriage takes a lot of effort and patience. To still be in love after years of relationship, one would need to fight for it.
Real L.O.V.E. is not a bed of roses. Well, at least for married couple, love is not a bed of roses. It takes a lot of work to make a marriage work and stay together until death do them apart. One would have to accept and love the spouse unconditionally, not to mention that to make a marriage work, there are a lot of factor that will determine the success of it. Money, sexual relationship and intimacy, family, children, devotion, commitment … all those are thrown together in marriage. Those element needs to be in harmony, or else you’ll be looking at at marriage like a bowl of rotten salad, or a divorce for that matter.
Money may not buy happiness, but it does make one’s marriage easier. No matter how un-materialistic a wife or a husband is, marriage definitely cannot survive without having a roof over the couple’s head and decent food on the table. In this modern world, money is essential for survival. It’s definitely not be easy to maintain a relationship without having a stable finance, no matter how much people say that love is not about money. Love is not all about money and how much someone have in the savings account, yes, but then again, money is needed to maintain a comfortable and stable relationship. A couple do not need to be filthy rich to get married, but still, it’s necessary to have some money to support and build a family. Feelings or flowers alone does not feed your grumbling stomach nor it makes your car moves without petrol.
Sex, sex, sex, sex. Love is also not about sex and romance alone, but, truthfully, can a marriage survive without passion and affection towards one another? Can a husband or wife stay in a marriage that practice celibacy? Maybe sex would be out of the window when you’re in your sixties or seventies without the assistance of hormones and stuff, but can one live in celibacy when the marriage is still young and at prime? Sexual frustration among couple who could not or would not voice it up honestly to their spouse may also lead to the downfall of their relationship as sometimes, infidelity may happen when a husband of wife is sexually frustrated.
Then comes children matters when we talk about love. Marriage itself is created for breeding prupose. I used to call love and marriage is a mother nature’s trick to get human to reproduce. As I grow older, I no longer believe that love is mother nature’s trick to get human have sex and reproduce, but I do think that the existence of children of lack of children in a marriage determine marital bliss. Some couple may be able to accept that they could not have children, but most would feel that children is actually the one that bind their marriage together.
Wise man says, three is a crowd. Three is definitely a crowd in a marriage. The existence of a third party may also ruin a marriage, so please, please, stay devoted to your spouse. Do not bring a third person into your marriage and make your marriage a hell of a disaster. Infidelity may not only hurt your spouse and children’s mentally, but also physically if you gets STD( AIDS, etc) as a result of your infidelity.
To me, love and relationship requires a lot of hard work and effort. If one do not make an effort to harmonize those element that co-exist in a relationship or marriage, love would definitely go down the drain. What is love and relationship to you?
Cleffairy: It’s not easy to stay in love for a very long term, but it’s really easy to fall out of love.