Something thunked my thick skull today. It’s one of Calvin’s blog entry on men’s behaviour and attitude that gets worst after some time being married. While it was meant to be a joke, I find it quite true in some ways. Click the link if you would like to amuse yourself today.
While Calvin talked about men’s behaviour towards marriage as a joke, I seriously don’t think that such behaviour can be taken as a joke in long term run as sometimes, such attitude would bring a lot of disaster in one’s marriage. It does not only affect the women but the men as well. Neglecting your spouse and taking things that your spouse did for you for granted is really not a joke. Lack of appreciation or lack of effort made to improve or maintain the relationship will very well bring resentment to the individuals involved.
R.E.S.E.N.T.M.E.N.T, yes, people, resentment, one word that was never in my vocabulary and I never knew the real meaning of it until I am committed to a relationship. Resentment, ladies and gentlemen is a negative emotion that manifest as a result of recurring disappointment after putting so much faith and hope on certain matters.
I absolutely would not, and without a doubt refused to pretend that I do not have any resentment in my relationship. Maybe I could lie to the whole damn world in the face and convinced them that I’m speaking nothing but truth when I say that my marriage is perfect and flawless, but I could not lie to myself about it. There are unresolve resentment in my relationship that I dare not speak of for fear that it will destroy the relationship. But, let’s leave the scribing of my own resentment in my diary, as there are nothing that people who are outside of the relationship could do about it. Let’s talk about it in general context.
I believe, whether a husband or wife acknowledge their dissatisfaction about the things that’s going on in their relationship or not, there is something that’s sometimes bottled up inside and slowly, it turned into resentment.One may sometimes realized it, sometimes not and it’s left buried deep inside eating up the individual who felt it, resorting the particular individual to be bitter and most of the times, view things negatively with absolute contempt and loathe. People who felt resentment sometimes gives up hoping and putting faith in the things or people that they believe in. In the case of resentment felt towards one’s marriage, is giving up hoping on one another. In other words, you get very pissed off and fed up with certain things to even bother about it anymore.
Resentment, a silent poison, an effective weapon to destroy love and passion. Even the strongest relationship of all is not spared from resentment. A lot of marriage councilors admit that resentment and contempt is one of the biggest factor that caused divorce, apart from infidelity. People who are in a committed in a relationship would want the best for both parties, but some certain things in relationship takes two to work, as the old saying goes, it takes two to tango. Some certain things simply couldn’t work if only one party made an effort for it.
Let’s take this for an example, a wife may hope for something from her husband, and she puts on so much faith on him, hoping that one day, the things that she asked for would be realized. The things that I meant does not necessarily mean material possession, but emotional matters. The wife would wait and wait for years and years for it to happen just because she sincerely love and have faith in her other half.
But one’s patience could run out, and one day, the wife decided to give up hoping and maybe when the things that she’s hoping for is finally realized, she may already stop hoping for the things that she wanted so much and refuse to accept what’s offered to her, and by that time, it would be far to late to mend the broken heart, or worst, a broken relationship isn’t it? And men wonder why their wife are bitter and easily irritated. Don’t they know that such things as resentment exist? But of course, such things could go the other way around too, not just the wife. The husband may feel that way too about his wife about certain things and resentment is bottled up deep inside of him.
Behind closed doors issues like sex may also bring resentment. A husband may be in the mood for sex in an ungodly hour, and the wife simply in the mood for sleep more than making love. She either tells her husband off or just lay back and let her husband do whatever he wants to her. The result: both party are not satisfied with the lack of involvement in the making love session. Slowly, resentment will build up between the couple if they decided to keep quite about the whole fiasco repeatedly. The husband feel that he’s being neglected and decided to either put off sex and intimacy away from their marriage or worst, find someone else to shower his ‘love’ while the wife will feel that her husband lack understanding and compassion about the matter, but refuse to talk about it because she’s afraid that it would hurt her husband’s feelings.
The key to avoid serious case of resentment from being bottled up in both parties is actually very simple, which is an open discussion or a proper communication with one another. Discussing things openly with your spouse and without holding grudge towards towards each other after the discussion even if there’s no absolute result to solve the problem that was discussed when the discussion is done is crucial. The things with men sometimes is that it’s hard for them to listen to what women would like to spill out without offering her a way to solve it. Men, when a woman wants to talks, it does not always means that she wants you to solve her problems. Sometimes, she just wants you to listen. Take this as an example.
When a wife says this: “My boss is giving me hard time at work! I’m pissed off with him”
Instead of saying this” “Why don’t you just quit or get a new job?”
Try saying this: “Poor thing. Bosses are like that. They have certain expectation towards their employee”
So that you can avoid getting : “Why should I quit or get a new job? I like doing what I do!”
And get this instead: “Yeah, I guess so. Bosses are like that. I would act like him if I’m in his shoes too. But I really need to get this out, I get so stress up with work sometimes,”
When you’re in a relationship, proper communication can avoid resentments and misunderstanding and unnecessary quarrels between couple. But one would have to remember to be accept things that will be said in a certain discussion with an open mind, or else,not only the discussion would not be fruitful, but will add more problems instead.
Cleffairy: I have so many beautiful things in my life that I can be proud of, and yet I’m denied the rights to boast or even talk about it to the world. Deep inside, I wonder why did I put up with it, though? What’s stopping me, actually? I must be the biggest coward of all.