They are just unbearable…

EDIT: This is a bit too late. But please visit Cheeyee’s blog for related stories about EVIL MIL. It’s a very touching story, and almost made yours truly cry and wonder about a lot of things.

I’m quite wary and tired these days. It’s been quite a long and hot weekend, and I cannot deny that when I’m all hot and bothered (not sexually) I can be quite a bitch. Though I have a lot of time to spare, but I could not write any entries at all last weekend because I was not in town, and I was completely cut off from the world wide web as there’s no Internet connection at the place where I spent my weekend. I thank whatever force up there that allows me to be safely home, where I am more comfortable and less problems to deal with. Sometimes, routine activities can be very comforting and though mundane, it can keep me sane.

Anyway, if a blogger friend of mine, Jen (she’s a pretty, nice and single lady, do check out her blog…her blog is a mix of everything, from venting, musing, etc) thinks that parents are so hard to please, then in laws are actually aliens from outer space that do not speak our language and completely not from our world, and no matter how hard we try to communicate with them, it simply does not work!

Most mother in law could not accept their daughter in law. Only some lucky few women have cool mother in law who treats them like their own daughter and genuinely care for them. Most mother in laws merely TOLERATE their daughter in law(s) just because their son(s) are married to those women and they would not want to be labeled as a home wrecker by their peers if they were to come out with a scheme to get rid of their daughter in law by making their sons divorce their useless wife. So basically, mother in laws will antagonize their daughter in laws, and make everyone’s life a living hell.

Typical Asian mother in laws usually only see flaws in their daughter in laws, and no matter what the daughter in laws do to please them would be wrong. From my firsthand experience and observation on my family and some other people’s family, below are the common scenario between daughter in law (DIL) and mother in law (MIL):

Asian MIL will ALWAYS complain that their daughter in law is incapable of doing housework or doesn’t know how to cook. Below is the common conversation MIL/DIL will usually have.

The kitchen scenario

MIL(complaining to relatives and whatnot bitches on the streets): You know, my daughter in law is very useless. She’s lazy, doesn’t know how to cook, never help me with the chores in the kitchen, and bla bla bla. Dunno how her parents teach her… and bla bla bla! Bla bla bla and more bla bla bla!

And so, when the daughter in law made some effort to help her cook some dishes, this is what the MIL will say:

MIL ( scolds DIL): Get out of my kitchen! You dunno how to cook, only knows how to ‘kacau’ only, and makes mess in the kitchen. You cannot use too much oil to fry things, not healthy, bla bla bla…. you see, the water not yet boiled,you cannot put in the food yet later the food cannot be cooked properly, will get soggy….this veggies, you cannot cut liddat, (grumbles) just go out and accompany your brats or hubby, bla bla bla let me do all the work, bla bla bla, becoz I am more smart and experienced than you and BLA BLA BLA!

And then, the MIL will continue to complain and sell their fucking stories to the relatives, her friends, neighbour and any Tom Dick or Harry they meet on the street about their useless daughter in law who ‘do not even know how to turn on the fire on the stove’. So, tell me, what else can daughter in laws do when they try to be helpful in the kitchen and yet the mother in laws constantly kick the poor things out of the kitchen?

The Hygiene Scenario

MIL complaints that the daughter in law does not bathe often and therefore is not hygienic.

MIL: Why didn’t you take a bath yet? It’s late, and now it’s so hot, go and take a bath… it’s not hygenic, and you smell like poo…. bla bla bla…

And so, the daughter in law obediently goes and take a bath and when the daughter in law comes out from her bath, this is what the MIL will say:

MIL: Why you bathe so long wan??? I waited to take a bath very long oredi….water is not cheap, and you’ll get a flu if you bathe too long…summore now so late! Bla bla bla!

The Visiting Scenario

MIL complain that their son did not visit them often.

MIL: Why you all never come back to visit me ah?

And so, the kids bring their wife and their children to visit. But this is what will happen when they visit:

MIL: Eh, when you guys are going back home? You got no work to do in the city meh? You take how many days leave? What time you go back? Go back earlier! Don’t go back so late, later very hard to drive, can easily accident!!! And bla bla bla!

Feeding the brats scenario

MIL: You all never feed my grandchildren ah? Never eat rice ah? Why your kids so skinny? You see la, you never feed these kids rice, how they grow up. So skinny like plywood ( goddammit, if a child is genetically thin like his parents, hyperactive and have high metabolism, how do you expect the brats to grow round and fat like some wobbly jelly?)

And so, the MIL will try to force down some rice and tasteless soup or veggies down the kids’ throats, and when the kids make a fuss and throw tantrums on eating greens, this is what the MIL will say:

MIL: Why you never teach your kids to eat properly ah? Why so fussy! This want to choose, that also want to choose. Why don’t eat rice, don’t eat veggies, bla bla bla… faster go feed you kids, later hungry! You should not allow your kids to choose food, you know, later what oso dunno how to eat! (Dammit, if kids are not fussy, then they are not kids anymore, and which kids loves to eat greens like some goat?)

And then the DIL who knows her fussy kids better than anyone else would feed the kids their favourite food that she knows the kids will eat, because it is general knowledge that it’s better to let the kids eat something than wait for them eat some extremely healthy food and let them starve, this is what the MIL will say:

MIL: Why you feed the kids oily food? Don’t let the kids eat these things too much! Why these stuff so much MSG? Why you feed them sweets and ice cream for dessert? It’s not healthy for children to eat sweets you know?

After that, as usual, the MIL will broadcast to the world that their DIL never feed their grandchildren.

Disciplining the brats scenario

The MIL reprimands the kids and her daughter in laws for not being stern and strict with their children.

MIL: Hey! Don’t let your brats cry and throw tantrums like this! Scream so loud, I cannot rest, and later neighbours will complain you know? Faster settle your brats! Don’t let them behave like this! Headache you know???

And so, when the son or daughter in laws takes out a cane and whack or scold the brats that’s being spoiled by the grandparent(s) in the first place, this is what they will say:

MIL: Hey, don’t beat the kids! They dunno anything wan, must slowly teach….bla bla bla…you never talk peoperly to your kids, that is why your kids so stubborn and never listens, you know, bla bla bla.

And then the MIL will proceed with their routine activities in gossiping on how their useless daughter in law does not know how to teach the children and spoil the brats rotten.

The Communication Scenario

The MIL complaints that the DIL doesn’t know how to respect her, and refused to talk to her. But when the DIL tries to make conversation with her, she’ll either pretends to watch TV or pretends that she doesn’t hear a word and only respond when their sons are around.

The Dinner Scenario

MIL complains that the family hardly have time to have dinner together.

MIL: You all ah, always no time to sit down and eat together with me. Your life ah, so damn busy meh?

And then when the children goes back to visit and wants to have meals together, this is what typical Asian MIL will do:

MIL: You all eat first, I don’t eat so early wan…. bla bla bla…I want to watch tv first, bla bla bla…

And then after all of the nonsense, the MIL of course will whine, sniff and sobs with sexually unsatisfied bitches on the road on how ungrateful their children and in laws are as they refuse to even spend time to sit and have dinner with her.

The family planning scenario

The MIL complain that the kids have been married for quite some time and yet still have no news of any pregnancy.

MIL: You’re married for some time already, why your wife still not yet pregnant? She got problem issit?

And so, the couple in question spend some lovey dovey time together to make some babies, this is what she’ll say to her son:

MIL: Hey, why you spoil your wife so much? Keep on spend time with her, you’re not bored? Married already and yet still so sticky to you? You got nothing better to do than entertain her only ah?

And then when the children had too many babies in short period of time frame, this is what MIL will say:

MIL: You got too many children, you don’t plan your family ah? You not scared next time you have not enough money for their education ah?

There are many more scenarios that I have in mind, but my mood stinks at the moment and I am quite pissed off about certain matter to compose anymore coherent words. And so, ladies and gentlemen, bottom line is, if a MIL do not like a certain DIL, no matter what the DIL do to please her, it will not work, period.

Some old women are just persistent, stubborn and thinks they are always right and the DIL is always in the wrong, and so, I only ask you this: The next time you hear any MIL complain about their DIL on certain matters, do not jump into conclusion and condemn the DIL and labeled her a bad an unfilial DIL. Some DIL are victim of MIL’s mouth, and you will never know what the DIL is experiencing unless you have been put in the same shoes as her.

DIL around may not say it as they have to give face to their MIL and try not to give their husband headache, but most of the time, it’s just the MIL bitching and exaggerating and putting stinky poop on the DIL’s face in front of strangers and relatives alike. Strangers should not judge or comment on other people’s family matters, because outsiders do not have a clear picture on certain family’s relationship and what is the MIL’s intention when she spoke ill of her DIL.

Cleffairy: Sometimes, MIL stands for MONSTER IN LAW too. And do keep in mind that MIL are not professional hairdresser. When you leave your brats alone with your MIL, make sure she doesn’t cut your brats’ hair just because she thought the hair is unreasonably long…unless of course, you want to see your kids walking around looking like a ridiculous Beetles member.

About cleffairy

Recently having fascination with ancient history.
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23 Responses to They are just unbearable…

  1. Pingback: North Yorkshire Pregnancy & Childbirths

  2. Christopher says:

    i guess they don’t mean it but they actually have nothing to say. So, when they said the ‘kanan’, the ‘kiri’ comes later when ‘kanan’ is achieved.
    Sometimes they also have pressure in trying to communicate to the DIL and trying to pass their experienced down. And..when it comes to relatives…. most MIL doesn’t like to say how good their DIL or son is and thus the not so good stuffs. I guess it’s the generation gap la… and Im sure most DIL are pressured with MIL, as compared to SIL and FIL.

  3. cleffairy says:

    I’ve always believed that the way though a son’s heart after his marriage is not through his stomach, but through his wife, and therefore, if you treat your DIL civilly, your son(s) would not forsake you. Unfortunately for most women, their MIL does not think that way.

    Generation gap is one thing, but the lack of open mind and open heart is completely another thing. Typical MIL generally thinks that their DIL will never be good enough for their sons, and therefore, those nonsense.

    I do not wish to become that sort of MIL…hopefully, I will be the kind of cool MIL and a doting granny in my old age where I could hop around the mall, helping my DIL splurge my son’s money…lmao…hopefully, in my older age, the complaints that I would hear from my sons is that he had hoped that his mum and his wife never met, cuz they are great partner in crime. LOL.

    On a more serious note, I do think than Asian women are more pressured in regards of MIL, cuz MIL never seems to treat their son and DIL as adult, and therefore, lack of respect.

    Anyway, SIL can always be bribe with frequent hanging out and bitching session, and FIL usually do not care as long as their grandchildren look up on them like a hero and adore them…usually, the problems are from MIL. And it is indeed proven that most divorce are not caused by infidelities or incapabilities to reproduce, but by MIL’s scheming and attitude towards their children’s marriage!

  4. claire says:

    oh Cleffairy.. i dont know how to handle such MIL as mentioned above.. yes, the best is to keep quiet and STAY AS FAR AS POSSIBLE, only going back once a blue moon arises…
    but i wonder.. does MIL still exist today? i tot those in black and white movies time, got.. But i suppose there are many types la.. this is one of the typical old fashioned ones.. but nowadays, i think MILs are smarter and wiser… if they act like that, they will lose their son….but if they abide to them, they might gain a daughter…. so which would they rather choose.. to lose all or to gain all?

    • cleffairy says:

      Claire, dun be fooled by appearance…many DIL does not complain for many reasons…like not wanting to create tension between herself and her husband or relatives, but the fact is, such MIL do exist. Oh yes, they do exist and not only exist in the olden era or TVB dramas. Trust me on this, I got one in my closet. *SIGH*

      Smart mother in laws would know that if they wanted to keep their sons and grandchildren close by, they have to make peace with their DIL, but unfortunately, not all women are smart enough to think that way, and therefore, badmouth their DIL and tries to get rid of the poor DIL whenever she can. They expect their DIL to respect them, and yet they do not even have a bit of respect for their DIL and no matter what she do, she’ll be damn. Damn it if don’t do it, and damn it if she do it too.

      In most cases, ill feelings originates from the views of parenting and family bearing. Some MIL will interfere directly while others badmouth behind DIL backs. But personally, the worst case scenario is that the MIL thinks that the DIL is not fit to be a mother and never took care of her children properly and hence, they do something to ‘rectify’ the problems and expect that the DIL will not notice at all.

      Anyway, enuff of my ramblings. You are right. Must stay away from MIL if you’re not in such a ‘cool’ relationship with her, and only visit when completely necessary.

  5. eugene says:

    I always believe it is good for a wife or even a husband to stay away from the in laws. We can sometimes “hantam” our spouse if we are a bit angry or what, but trying “hantaming” the in laws and see, the consequence is less to desire.

    I believe in karma, therefore i always try to be nice to my in laws, for i know one day i will be someone’s in law in return, what goes around come around ,you know.

    • cleffairy says:

      *sigh* Attempting to take MIL’s heart when she would not give a damn about the DIL is a wrong thing to do. You are right about hentaming your spouse if we’re displeased about some certain matters, but hentaming in laws…definitely will not give you any good outcome. It’s simply a waste of breath and time.

      Eugene… yes, indeed, we will be a FIL or MIL to someone in the future. But i do hope past experience will serve us well and we will not give other people’s daughter/son trouble.

  6. Hika says:

    You look/sound like you are really flared up:X

    btw, how are you?:D

    • cleffairy says:

      OMG, hi Yui! Thank you so much for dropping by. I’ve missed you so much. You’re still in Taiwan? Back in sg now? I saw you on msn the other day, but i dc-ed. *swt* Oh well, they dun call me Dc Queen for nothing. LMAO… I’m doing so-so over here… how about you? Life treating you well?

      ps: Yeah, really flare up, and thank heavens RL is not like maple, otherwise, I would have kaboom everything in sight. Anyway, it is really amazing that you visited my blog when I’m kinda down… lol…your presence never failed to sooth me…. wahahahahaha it is good to know that some things never change (but my Luna is dead though… lol…been hiatus from maple!). 😀

      • Hika says:

        Hahaha, back in sg long ago le… but went US before that:X made lots of celeb friends in LA, haha:XXX
        Is it? I hardly see you online in msn-.-” Well, life is pretty boring right now… (attending polytechnic is very very boring, especially when its so far away… around 1 hour of bus time…)
        really wish i could go back to my travelling days again:D

        P.S: im back to maple again:X for the knights of cygnus job!! saw puixiong today by coincidence, was passing items in FM and saw him talking-.-(did you know theres a new grff now? but lots of old members now in le…)

      • Hika says:

        But I’m flying back to taiwan for events:X Then its gonna be a busy busy month for me…

  7. Cheeyee says:

    My cousin and I were chatting about MIL yesterday through MSN. According to her, her hubby family always giving her some hard time. What she dislike most is they intrude to her life, asking the hubby not to listen to her, giving all sorts of advice bla bla bla. And the hubby is the quiet type, not making any comments and defend the wife (my cousin). But both our mother, have no problem staying with the daughter-in-law under one roof. No complain from my mom about my SIL. Is it that we are the unlucky one? Well at least I’m not as bad luck as her. My MIL does not try to control our life. But I tell myself, one day when I become a MIL, I will not want to be a bad MIL that will be bad-mouthed by my own daughter-in-law. 🙂

    • cleffairy says:

      Cheeyee, next time, give me your msn, then we can bitch together. 😛 lmao…I need a kaki. LOL…

      On a more serious note… MOST MIL are hard to deal with. Only a few are not typical and good natured and really sincere in accepting their DIL unconditionally. Your mum and your cousin’s mum must be one of those almost extinct species. LOL… (alamak, say until they are from dinosaur age liddat… 😛 )

      The common problem with MIL is that they think they know best for their son and GRANDCHILDREN just because they raised their sons before, and therefore, the DIL will never be good enough for their precious boy. Hence, they interfere with their sons marriage, and if they cannot, they will badmouth their DIL to ruin their reputation.

      You know… not only your cousin have that sort of problems. I daresay many women experience similar problems. When such scenario occurred it is hard to settle the score, becoz the one we’ll be dealing with is the husband’s mother. Mother usually play important role in sons life, and no matter what they do, they will not choose between their mother and their wife. How could they? One is living with them and will spend the rest of their life with while another one is the one who raised them and fed them when they are young. Worst still is if their mother are single mothers who singlehandedly raised their children.The sons will have no absolute say over the matters between their wife and mothers, because they will think of their mother’s contribution in their earlier life.

      You know, after listening to people’s opinion, I am truly convinced that sometimes, MIL and DIL cannot live in the same world, and therefore, must avoid seeing each other too often to avoid miscommunication and misunderstanding as well as displeasure. Both MIL and DIL should mind their own biz, cuz you can’t possibly file a lawsuit against your MIL for defamation, disturbing peace and causing emotional distress. Do that…you’ll loose your husband, right? 😀 Best way is to stay away. i think most of my readers here are right in their opinion.

      ps: I am sure hao’s wife will be the luckiest DIL…but if you’re not so ‘cool’ with your future DIL, there’s always personal blog and diary to abuse. LOL.

  8. jen says:

    i began to change my perspective on my parents a bit after reading this, haha. they aren’t as scary as those monsters after all. and if only those monsters in law remember that they were once the DILs of their MILs.

    btw, i’ve witnessed a DIL scolding her MIL in front of the whole family. witl vulgar words some more *faints*

    • cleffairy says:

      Parents are still tolerable, Jen. 😛 But some outlaws are not. I’m not saying everyone is like that, but there are cases. I was not shocked to read that common causes of divorce are not caused by infidelities or financial problems, but MIL issues. the repost came out in The Star the other day. 😦 And it’s been quite some time that I’ve agreed with what The Star reported.

      LOL… MIL will be MIL. Most will think that they are Empress Dowager…and Empress Dowager will not think back to those time when she’s also in the same shoes as her DIL.

      ps: I’m an outsider… so I cannot comment on the scene you witnessed. Dunno what happened between the MIL and DIL. LOL…the girl got some guts, eh? Though the DIL should have shown some respect for the MIL…well… deep down… some MIL does deserve a good dose of blasphemy… just that most DIL respect their MIL too much to flare like that. (summore need to give face to husband)*SIGH*

  9. Ha Ha, outlaws always fight! LOL!

    • cleffairy says:

      Pete, outlaws not only fight lah… fight is nothing… but war… the house always like a spooky battlefield, dono who will die and who will survive in the end.

  10. kenwooi says:

    lol based on what you’ve mentioned.. the mother in law is kinda funny.. lol..
    i wish my mum wont be like that.. hope that she’ll treat my future wife good! =)

    • cleffairy says:

      Kenwooi…. aha! When you’re finally married, got a wife and a growing up child with you, you will finally know that such thing is no laughing matter… THAT kind of MIL that I mentioned is not funny at all… she’s a home wrecker in the making and thinks she knows all and most of her action will give stress to the DIL and slowly, the DIL’s relationship with her husband will fall apart. Sad case, sad case!

  11. yahui says:

    the scenario you mentioned is soooooooooooooooo hardcore. LOL! it’s like the most typical complaints you hear everywhere. makes me feel like i’m still living in the 1xth centuries and not the modern world that we’ve come to know. -__-

    my mom has recently upgraded to MIL and she treats her DIL lovingly. why lah make life difficult for your child and his spouse? the IL’s are not young anymore… when they’re gone, the spouse is the person who will be taking care and making sure their son / daughter is loved.

    please lah, those persistent type of IL. go to hell and rot. these type of devils doesn’t necessarily come in the form of IL’s – they can come from any aunty uncle cousin or other far off relative that you have in your unfortunate family tree.

    and the DIL or SIL need to EARN respect sometimes. some people just pop up and marry out of the bluemoon, they barely know each other and have never been exposed to each other’s family, surely there’ll be dispute happening. youngsters who really have the heart to get involved with their partners in the future should never neglect each other’s parents. don’t forget they’re the ones who brought your partner up and you ought to have a heart big enough to love them as much as your partner does.

    i’m 20 now and in a stable relationship with my bf. when i talked about tales of my bf’s mom treating me as if i’m family, i asked my own mom whether she’d be jealous.

    my mom’s reply made my heart swell in pride. ‘my daughter has another motherly figure to love her, what is there to be jealous of?’

    aaaaaaaaaw mom. ❤

    • cleffairy says:

      Yahui… I pray that you will not have to experience that sort of MIL, cuz personally, I know what hell it is like. Most that’s mentioned above is from my own personal experience, and thank heavens for blogging, i am able to blast it out, or else, my MIL will drive me insane…becoz this sort of things is not something you can talk even to your spouse… because it is his mother.

      You know, your mum have the intelligence that most MIL lacked. I’m not joking about it. Wise women who have sons, will know that after their sons are married, the way through their son’s heart is no longer through the stomach, but through the heart of their wives.

      I wish I could tell most of the in laws to go to hell to rot, but then again, why bother wasting my breath on bastards and bitches who behaves like sexually unsatisfied housewife? Whatever you do, or say, will be wrong in their eyes.

      About respect, it comes both ways. It cannot work only on the side of the younger generation. A MIL cannot expect a DIL or a SIL to respect them if they in the first place refused to accept that their DIL or SIL are just human who have flaws, and comes from a completely different upbringing. You know, I could not even comprehend why my sis in law avoid my MIL like a plague and lacked respect towards my MIL after she married my BIL. But, after I was placed in the same shoes as her, I understood well why she took that course of action. It was the wisest thing to do. That woman have the mouth of the Internet…and not to mention pretty unreasonable most of the times. And her bloody “You know or not? You know or not” phrase at every single damn sentence that she sputter is completely unbearable. It is as if her children and her in laws have absolutely no functional brain. That, I still could tolerate, but when it comes to parenting and she’d interfere and thought nobody is better than her, THAT I could not tolerate. I could do nothing but follow my sis in law’s footstep and avoid her…it is the best thing that everyone should do. Else, one’s sanity would soon be destroyed, and love and marriage between spouse would soon be dead.

      Mother who have daughters will usually give the same answer like your mum, Yahui, for they are pleased that their daughter are well loved after their marriage…but mothers who have sons, do you think they give a damn about other people’s daughter? I’m not saying everyone is like that, but those TYPICAL MIL…those are the kind who thinks that their DIL’s purpose in life is just to serve their son… to clean, to cook, to bear children… that’s it, nothing else.

      Anyway, thank heavens that my FIL is a direct opposite to my MIL…he is a man that I could relate to and admire like my very own father…taught me the meaning of unconditional love and many valuable lessons in life, sentiments that I could never share with anyone else. He’s not a perfect man, and made many mistakes in life too, just like me, but at some point, I understood why he did em in the first place. Thank heavens for a FIL like him, or I would completely be convinced that all in laws are sent from hell to make people’s life miserable.

  12. Isleychang says:

    very much like my grandmother in the feeding the bat scenario

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