Prayers for a sister…

I received a devastating news from one of my online sisters whom I am very fond of last night. We used to have good times together in an online game called Maplestory. It’s the same game where I found my good brother, Saint Seng, whom I loved with all of my heart for his caring attitude.

This girl in question is a nice girl, though somewhat naive and gullible. Like Seng, she accompanied me throughout the nights during my darkest hours fighting my own demons and loneliness a few years back.

Sad to say, it’s been quite a long time since I’ve had a conversation with her, or even seen her.The last time I’ve seen her in person was two years ago, on 21st December where we had our guild Xmas reunion, and it’s been a while since I’ve chatted with her online too for all of us have been so caught up with our real life and work that we hardly communicate with each other anymore. I wish I could see her more often, but it’s not possible as she’s not living in the same country as me. The ocean kept us apart.

It is by sheer luck that I managed to catch her online on her MSN tonight. I’ve chatted with her for awhile, and asked the usual. I asked how she was doing, and if she’s doing fine. But much to my horror, she said she’s not okay, and she attempted suicide a couple of days ago. Naturally, I was upset with her, and asked her why did she do it. And I even gave her a piece of my mind for attempting it. I scolded her for not thinking about the people whom she nearly left behind.

And so, she proceed to tell me the reason that triggered her suicide attempt. She told me that her boyfriend of 1 year whom she’s been living with, left her. I was pissed at this point. Pissed with the bastard who left my beloved sister, and pissed with my little sister for attempting suicide, for not appreciating life.

But little did I know that she had a somewhat valid reason to attempt suicide, for wanting to end her life. It was not because she was distressed that her boyfriend of one year left her. There’s more to it. She was pregnant with his baby, and because the bastard wasn’t man enough to take responsibility for the unborn child, she made decision to put everything to an end, and terminate the pregnancy.

My blood was practically boiling when I heard the news. This time, my anger was not caused by her, by that asshole of a man whom I’ve never even met before. Well, it is a good thing that I’ve never met him before, or I’ll send someone to bash him up.

You see… I’ve always been a pro-life. I never believed in taking the easy way out by having an abortion if you get pregnant. I don’t believe in it, cuz I believe a child is a gift from heaven. But over the years… I learn not to judge people’s decisions who decided to have an abortion.

Why? Because I’ve seen suffering. Suffering of a mother who decided to be a single mother and raise her child with people around her stigmatizing and condemning her all of her life and had to live a life with no moral or financial support. Suffering of children who are born out of wedlock who never had the love of their father and punished by the society for the sins of their parents. I really couldn’t judge.

Perhaps,under certain circumstances abortion does allow someone to move on and have a better life, because sometimes, shotgun marriage does not guarantee happiness. If one is forced into a marriage and the life that he or she doesn’t like or want, the consequences would be fatal, and more people would be hurt.

My little sister decided to have an abortion, not because she doesn’t want the baby, but because she could not afford to raise the baby alone. Her family supported her decisions, because they too have their own financial difficulties.

She did went to tell the bastard’s family, but they are aloof about it, and doesn’t want to have anything to do with her, or the unborn child. And so, two weeks ago, she had an abortion, and now is in a miserable state, because she couldn’t let go. I am glad that her brother was there in time to save her from dying, or else, I wouldn’t be here talking about her, but mourn her death instead.

I don’t know how to console her. I wish I could be there for her the way she was there for me when I was having a rough time in my life.

I sincerely wish I could be there for her, hug her and cry with her over her loss. I wish she didn’t have to loose her baby, but it is too late. Now I can only hope she could let go and move on, for what is done cannot be undone. Hopefully, my little sister would learn not to be so naive and gullible as time pass by, for not all men have the courage to be a responsible person.

I can only pray from afar that she will be all right, because she’s really a nice girl who deserves to be happy. She’s still so young, and there’s so many things ahead of her. For the first time in so many months this year, I feel compel to pray for another. I know God is somehow pissed with me for some reason, and would probably turn deaf ear towards me again, but this time, I hope he won’t turn deaf ears or blind eyes, because I am not asking things for myself, but for someone else whom I care for dearly.

Cleffairy: People make mistakes every day. Terrible mistakes that costs the life of another innocent life. But what is done cannot be undone, and one should learn to live with the mistakes.

A note for God: God, I don’t know what is your handphone number, or your email. And I have yet to stumble upon your facebook and twitter. So I will have to make do with leaving a note for you in my blog. People say you are everywhere, so I was kinda hoping that you will read my blog. God, please take care of my little sister. Guide her and light up a path for her, so that she could move on and be happy again.

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About cleffairy

Recently having fascination with ancient history.
This entry was posted in A Penny For Your Thoughts, Time Heals What Love And Reason Cannot and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Prayers for a sister…

  1. manglish says:

    tat is sad…do try to give her all the support….someone i knew died before i even had the chance to talk to her

    • cleffairy says:

      You know…what happened to her made me feel as if my heart has been crushed. And made me think…I have been too busy with my own life that I take people around me for granted. As supportive as I am… I am far away from her. I cannot do much. I just can pray and hope from afar that she will try to let go.

  2. calvin says:

    hi sis. well…..wud more can i say. i feel you, and i feel for your fren as well. i had a fren in this state before. wasnt too close, but close. sadly, before anyone could talk to her, she jumped off a building. some of my frens met that bastard and gave him a helluva beating. but i wasnt there to enjoy that moment.

    many people tend to take the easy way out of trouble by committing suicide. to me, it is a cowardly approach. but let’s face it, not many are as tough as we are. we may not be as tough when we face the same situation. so, i always remind myself and rachel that God is always there for us. in whatever situation, we always put God before us and that had helped us in so many challenges.

    • cleffairy says:

      *sigh* She’s more like a sister than a friend to me, you know? Always go around calling me jie. Made me feel guiltier cuz I’ve been too caught up with my own life these few month until I never made time to give her a call or even chat with her online. Then, BAM, get hit by these kind of news. I was so worried last nite that called up her cousin to ask if she;s really all right. 😦 Wish she would come to Malaysia for vacation again. She nids some time-out!

  3. jen says:

    that’s really sad but it’s NOT WORTH to end the life because of a MTF jerk. please brainwash her and tell her there’s more in life.

    • cleffairy says:

      Indeed… but then again, Jen, she also lost her baby. 😦 So kesian the girl. I can always tell her to toughen up and forget the bastards, but can’t possibly tell her not to forget the baby. She wanted it, but cannot afford to give birth to it. That complicates everything…

  4. Christopher says:

    That’s tough and all she need is lots of support. Gave her the support she needed as best as you can and time will heals her.
    God is everywhere and with you now. Just pray until you got the answer.The angels are reaching your friend soon.

  5. cleffairy says:

    Eugene misplaced his comment in another article, so I’m gonna place it here…

    Eugene: Please dont say she is gullible and stupid,it was just because she was in love with that bastard, and probably he had used condoms on her before, and got so sick of it,and started telling her nonsense,then no condoms used, and kenalah,,,,

    please guide her along the way after the abortion, cleff, you know for a girl like after got jilted and abortion, she will feel so wortless and unworthy and that’s dangerous, please help ther to find her worth in life and in her self, will you, and please tell her Eugene is asking her to be stron

    • cleffairy says:

      LOL… Eugene. I called her gullible and naive, not stupid. Gullible, cuz she’s always been a trusting person, and it probably didn’t occur to her that the guy is a mother fucker.
      The thoughts of abortion scares me to death, you kno? I’d rather give birth than go thru abortion. I have no idea how she’s really feeling right now. All I can do is tell her to be strong, and everyone around her still loves her regardless of what happened.

  6. suituapui says:

    Such men, one would be much better off without them. But why abort? She can give birth and bring the kid up as a single mother. Many independent ladies these days – and all the happier too!!! Or she can give it away to a childless couple. Lots want children but can’t have any of their own. Well, whatever it is…I guess it’s a lesson learnt and hopefully, she’s all the wiser now.

    • cleffairy says:

      Definitely better without such men. You see…I could never live with a man who allows the killing of his own flesh and blood. Dare to do, don’t dare to be responsible! Asshole! *sigh* I don;t know why she abort. She’s living in Singapore, and family also not doing so well. Cannot fit in a baby into their budget. She have a cousin who was a single mother of two children (divorced), and I suppose, they talked her into abortion, thinking, it is better if she move on and start afresh. I suppose, if she gave birth and give away the child, she’d feel horrible if she part with the baby.I was also very shocked to hear the bad news from her. But what can I do? Can only pray that God will guide her and let her start afresh, that’s all I can do. I oso can’t make a trip to Singapore anytime soon… I oso pokai. Aiihhh! 😦

  7. Uncle Lee says:

    Hi Cleffairy, Gosh! I hope she does not lose that baby. No matter what, it is life.
    And yes, there are such men out there…..irresponsible, beyond redemption.
    But again, these are not men, if a man, he will accept the responsibility.
    Pity you cannot be with her in person…..but keep trying, you will get to her.
    God gave us life, HE knows when to take it away, but we must not do a shortcut.
    I hope someone, you or anyone can help her. Lee.

  8. U-Jean says:

    If I was pregnant, I would drop the baby too. The key is to not judge but to provide all the support that one needs. To not tell other people what they should do with their lives but rather to provide them with all the knowledge and information they need to make the decision.

    • cleffairy says:

      I don’t judge. Only I wished that I was there for her when she needed someone. Knowing that I really could have lost her to Death made me feel so sad. 😦

      You know something, u-jean? If everyone in my life thinks like you, my life would be a bed of roses!

      • U-Jean says:

        Decisions are already tough to make. To have people pull you apart with your decisions and making you feel regretful makes it even worse. The magnitude of pain is magnified when one is lonely, I experience it first hand this year when I was at rock bottom. Felt like plunging a knife into myself just$ that i was to chicken to do it. Lol. And that it’ll be messy. I wonder if there will be anyone who cares for me the way you care for your lil sis here.

      • cleffairy says:

        LOL…U-jean…I’m sure there’s someone in your life care about you. How can they not? You’re such a nice person. 😀 But even if no one care, you will have to take care of yourself.

        Talk about suicide, it takes a degree of courage to do so. Like you, I am also chicken. Ahahahaha…. else, when I was hit by depression a few years back, I would have done it! No kidding!

  9. Joanna says:

    This is a sad thing to hear. It’s really tough when faced with the dilemma of unplanned pregnancies..a dilemma I can’t even start to imagine. Here’s praying that your sister finds at least a little peace with her decision.

    • cleffairy says:

      Amen to that, Joanna. Now that everything is said and done, there’s nothing much I can do than hope she’ll learn to live with her decisions.

  10. jeremin says:

    haiz, this is not the first time i heard such story. Now she need a lot of support n comfort from people ard her. If she need help, send her to counselling.
    Hope she will get over this soon.
    Take care.

    • cleffairy says:

      I wonder if counsellings in Singapore is better than in Malaysia? But then again, Jeremin, counsellings won’t work unless she is determined to help herself.

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