As of late, yours truly is kinda bored out of her head and has been lurking in a gossip site known as KennySai, featuring all dirty little secret about Kenny Sia’s sex scandal. I read it to pass my time over a cuppa tea or crackers, and the contents are usually purely for your own amusement, something that you would read just to kill time. It was never thought provoking until one fine day, I came across this question, which is ‘Will you stand by a cheating man?’. It’s a question that’s very close to home, and rather disturbing, I must say.
Mr. Kenny Sai may not directed the question to me, but I really feel like writing about it. Yes, that’s something to ponder about, isn’t it? Can you actually stand by a man who cheats on you with another women repeatedly?
You love the man, stayed unconditioanally devoted to him and yet he betrayed your trust by conveniently doing hanky panky things behind your back with other women over and over again. He flirt with other women,sleep with her, and as the consequences, he contracted some STD or even worst, AIDS and to add salt to the open wound, you get infected too, just because you are his long term bedmate and trusted him enough not to use any form of protection during your sexual intercourse.
It doesn’t matter if it’s just a fling or a serious relationship. He’s still considered being unfaithful to you. Ignorance is bliss, but when the cat is out of the bag, how do you actually react? You will get upset, of course, that is normal, but can you actually stand by him and forgive him for what he has done, forget and move on while telling yourself that your man is just human and human make mistakes? Can you honestly still trust him after what he has done? And most importantly, can you sincerely forgive him and move on with the relationship as if nothing has happened, or will you get very pissed off beyond forgiving and pack up your luggage and leave after kicking his ass for fooling around?
I have to ponder on that question. It’s not an easy question to answer, though there’s only two choice, which is a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’. Why is it not an easy question for me? Well, dear readers, while it is very easy for a woman who is not married to leave the man who is unfaithful to her but I think that it’s not easy for women who have extra baggage (like children) to bring along when she leaves the man who’s unfaithful to her. When a husband cheats on his wife and his wife finds out, and no matter how upset she is, she still have her children to consider.
What will happen to her children when she leaves him? Will there be a painfully long court session fighting over the children’s custody and terms of divorce? If you decided to leave, how will it affect your children’s mentality? They will definitely be affected, especially if they are young. Young children sometimes would blame themselves for their parent’s separation, and wives who are usually motherly would consider her children’s well being first than her personal issues. It is definitely not easy for a married woman to ask for a divorce and leave her husband when she finds out that he’s having extra-marital affair. She have a lot to consider.
We’ve seen many women who chooses to stand by her man, even though it’s proven to the world that her husband is a bastard who had sex on his office table with his secretary or frequent a hotel with his ‘personal’ friend to have sex. Yes, ladies and gentleman. You’re guessing it right. I am talking about Hillary Clinton standing by her husband Bill Clinton and our dear Mrs. Chua Soi Lek. They are both woman who have quite a recognition in the society through her husband’s public recognition. One is a president’s wife while another is a politician’s wife. They are both strong women in the eyes of the public and yet why did they choose to stand by their husband and swallow all of their hurt by standing by their man through the heartbreaking time of their marriage?
I had answered Mr. Kenny Sai in his comment page on whether or not I will stand by my cheating husband. My answer was like stated below:
=.= more anons…. hmm… if that’s a question directed to me, Mr. Kenny Sai, my answer is an absolute no. I will not tolerate a cheating man what more stand by a man who treats me like an absolute fool. I am a married woman,and let’s say misfortune befalls me and my husbands two-timed me and I happens to find out, I won’t keep quiet about it either. Be it whether I have children or not. Does it make me a lesser woman or a terrible mother if I choose not to stay with a man who cheats on me while I am completely devoted to him? Even if I choose to ‘stand’ by the man who cheated on me, that would not be because I want to support the ‘mistakes’ that he conveniently made, but it would be cause Iwould want a revenge. My husband better not cheat on me, or he’ll be even sorry that he’s born to this world.
My response was like stated above because it’s an honest answer that first came across my mind. I really could not and would not possibly stand by a cheating husband. I would be hurt and scarred beyond forgiving and I will choose not to be a fool and forgive his sins, and moved on as if nothing had happened between us. It’s definitely not possible for me, but thinking back, the greatest revenge for a married woman towards a cheating husband would be standing by him and let his guilt and conscience eat him inside out.
I would be capable of raising my child(children) on my own, and can very well keep their father out of their life, but another great revenge is to tell their father’s sin to them, make them learn to be devoted to their future spouse through their father’s conveniently made mistakes. An effective lesson to my children on the expanse of my mentality. If I choose to stand by him if my husband cheated on me, there would be resentment on what has happened and our relationship would never be the same as before, but on second thought, it would be a greater revenge to whoever that wants our relationship to be broken to see that we are still together.
Somehow, I could understand the two women’s decision to stand by their husband. I would do the same, given the circumstances. If it’s just my boyfriend who cheated on him, he might as well go to hell when I find out that he cheated on me. If it’s just a boyfriend, I know I can do better by looking for another better man who is faithful and make him mine. And when I have a better man, showing off to my ex would be my great accomplishment. If it’s just a boyfriend, I would just easily walk away, but if it’s my husband who cheated on me, I would give him a second chance to redeem himself after considering about what we had together. It would be very easy for me to leave a cheating husband who is also abusive, but I can’t say the same about leaving a husband who is a good father and did not mistreat me and never even hurt a single strand of my hair before. I would have to consider and reflect on our relationship then.
So, as to answer the question, will I stand by a cheating man? My answer would be yes for the first offense, but there would not be another second chance after that. If I caught my husband cheating on me for the first time, I would forgive but not forget and would expect him to redeem himself and repent and hope that through his mistakes, it would make our marriage grow stronger. I would not want my marriage to be destroyed just because I am not strong enough to give him and our relationship a second chance, but if I caught him cheating on me one more time, that would be another different story. That would be declaring war with me.
So if my husband is reading this, I hope he knows that I love him and our child/ children enough to give him a second chance if he ‘conveniently’ makes mistakes, but do not trample my trust and betray me for a second time. That would be beyond forgiving then.
I have a question for all of you over here, would you stand by your cheating spouse or your boyfriend/girlfriend? I have given mine, and I would like to hear your honest answer. A woman, a wife would be able to forgive her husband’s infidelity given some certain circumstances and some carefully thought consideration, but can a man forgive his wife’s infidelity? Would he forgive his wife’s sin or would he leave without giving anything a second thought?
Cleffairy: Infidelity could harm many things. Your marriage, your physical/ mental health and your children would be at stake.